I guess an old post of mine was nominated for the 10th anniversary anthology book thing for LJ :o It's in the final round and might be in the book.

Wowie.

Oh jeez, I miss being Renfield so much ]: Winthrop's okay and all, but he really doesn't compare to how famously Mr. Renfield and I got along.

And speaking of getting along famously, me and my boy are getting along famously :D We go together like a dick and balls.

I MISS MY TAWN D: D: If you ever chance to read this, love, I'd love to talk. I know neither of us seem to be on much anymore. ]:
Yeah, I took a break from talking to online people. Still am, actually! i just ended up talking to people I knew from school more and to Sean more and stuff, so I'm taking the opportunity to work on real and physical relationships as opposed to online ones.
Sorry to any of you reading from TDF ]: I'm just focused on the external as opposed to the internal right now, and I'm finding I benefit internally a lot from social interaction :p Hobodog loves proverbial tummyrubs!

Oh, ps

"Procrastination is like masturbation. It's fun while you're doing it, but in the end, you're only screwing yourself."

Ahah, ironically what I'm doing right now. I'm feeling really overwhelmed by school and instead of working, I've started shutting down. No idea why. I've taken two days off this week because of it, and I know that's probably a bad thing. I don't want like, all CRs.

Musical rehearsals start next week! The Music Man, and I'm playing little Winthrop Paroo; ten year old lisping boy. My entire thript ith writ'en lithp, like thith, and ith kind of fruthrating thomtimeth. I've successfully decoded most of it into real English though :]

I'm seeing my boy Sean this Saturday though, so things will most certainly improve then! I just gotta make it through tomorrow.

On a side note.

I feel like I'm drifting :/

I've actually had stuff to do lately :D

I've been busy with school, and now this week are the auditions for The Music Man. I wrote down that I wanted to be Winthrop, the little boy with the lisp, but it was just for kicks, mostly xD
I checked consider me for all roles too :p

Of course that means I'm dreadless now ]: Yeah, Shawn (I've been calling him "Sean", but I guess he spells it "Shawn") told me he didn't want dreads in his musical because it wouldn't work (I got lucky playing an orphan, and then a lunatic) and stuff. So I cut them, even though I'm not exactly crazy about the Music Man in particular.

Me and Jessica has a happy fun time combing them out yesterday xD aunt Jenny had her little baby Jackie, so I got to see her all red and wiggly (I didn't hold her because she's so litle and delicate I'm afraid I'll drop her or something ]: ). Then we went in to Jessica's room and started cutting off what used to be the hawk. We left like, inch dread nnubs, which we spent about two hours combing them out. They are some tight little fuckers D: And you wouldn't believe some of the nasty shit that was in them! Crazzyyy drandruff flakes, hair everywhere, and fun sticky soap residue and grease and god knows what else :p Bleck.

But it was fun. After trimming out the obnoxiously long parts, and giving it a wash (It's still kinda greasy and weird feeling, even, I'm going to scrub the fuck out of it after I'm done here :p), it actually looks pretty cute. The bangs are a bit longer than I'd like, but the back looks a lot nicer than I thought it would. It wouldn't hurt to get it fixed up professionally, but ah. It looks fine for now :]

And I hung out with Sean (lolol, not my drama director xD) and he gave me the warm fuzzies and whatnot. If you're Tawn, I'll be throwing details at you the minute you get your Canadian tail online ;]

Uhm, yeah. almost Christmas :D woo.

So last night's performance was really absolute shit, omg xD There was a collective "Wtf" hanging in the air above Hazel Park High School auditorium. People stumbled on lines, triped over furnitue, vampire wives faceplanted on the stage... I had a fever and was feeling pukey enough to have buckets in the wings. During act one scene two, when I'm onstage with Todd and Danny, Danny was like "I've seen balmy ones before, but Renfield has 'em beat by a mile!" and I went to go respond. My mouth like, instantly filled with vomit, and I didn't know what to do other than swallow it. So, I swallowed my puke and then continued the scene >>

Hopefully today will be my best yet! Lots better than almost spewing everywhere, I hope. And we can't suck! So many people are coming tonight. My voice is dying from a combination of being sick, and being onstage and yelling/screaming all the time D: I'm going to drink tea and chug cold medicine and hope for the best ):

Today's the last day I have to ace bandage my boobs down! But, it's also the last day I get to put on a costume and become Renfield :/ I really am going to miss being him. After tonight's performance, it's tear down, and this production of Dracula is all over.

Meh. I really am going to miss it ):

Performing for the munchkins was better than drugs <3 They loovvveedd mmeeee.

I especially like sitting on the edge of the stage after curtian call with all of them swarming. "Are you a boy or a girl?" "Is that your real hair?" "Did you really eat a fly?" "Do you really eat flies and spiders?" "Why did you play a boy if you're a girl?" "Why were you so crazy?" Haha xD They thought I actually bit Danny too, it was funny xD One asked him if his leg hurt when I bit him, haha.
We signed autographs, gave hugs, and did a crapload of recruiting. They are the drama club of the future! They were all over Skylar (Dracula) though. You could barely see him under the mass of all the litte children hugging him and giving him highfives and stuff, haha.

Three little boys told me I was hot, lawl. In costume and all. I should dress like a lumberjack-crackaddict more often? xD

Ahh, opening night for reals tomorrow! Can't wait :3 The family's going that night. From what I'm hearing, it's going to be a great crowd.

One more dress rehearsal left, wttfff D: Then it's showtime!
I take comfort in the fact my hair looks rockin (I gelled the fuck out of my grown out shaved sides, took a sweater to the dreads, and pretty much ratt the fuck out of my bangs, and then just hairspray it 8D), though. We had a guy come and interview me and Skylar, and taped a dress (no makeup) rehearsal; it should be online pretty soon.

I feel kinda dumb, because I think of something new to do everytime I really get into character, and I probably shouldn't be making additions this late in the game, but I can't help it. I have little Renfield-epiphanies and realize "Oh! I can rifle through his pockets here!", or "I'm going to pop my collar and attack the couch!". Haha.

I'm really excited :3

Oh! And, I dounno the last time we did Dracula (over 20 years ago, probably), but dude xD One of the flats we used totally says "Rob Loach as Renfeild" (yeah, he couldn't spell his name :P). I dounno, but it makes me happy every time I'm sitting back there waiting for go on. Like, some strange voice from the past thinks I'm awesome : D

I don't have anything else to talk about except I'm exasperated by homework and I'm eating lemon cookies.

So, Ferndale's Renfield schooled my entire life. If any of those kids our coming to see our production, oh god D: Time to clean up this mess, guys! Gaahhh.

I don't move enough at all :/ I'm going to activate my plan that involves twisting Seans directions, so when I enter in Act 1 Scene II, I'm crawling on the floor looking for spiders while Rachel and Katlyn are talking. I don't want to look dumb, oh my gooddd.
And my silioquie? Needs t be ballin. Especially since we have a few lines in common there.

That really put into perspective how far behind we are. Time to step it up :o

The play's going to be the week after next; 20th, 21st, and 22nd. Matinees for the Elementary and junior high two days before that. I AM WAY STOKED.
I've really gotten into knowing my role, and let lose with it. When I'm on the stage, I am Mr. Renfield; fly-eating, temper tantrum throwing, hysteric, paranoid and angry Mr. Renfield. It actually takes me like an hour to calm down after I go onstage and crawl around and growl. I feel all weird after rehearsals everyday. I'm really getting into it and I'm really enjoying hard work paid off :3

I'm still planning to add a few more things in, especially with Act I scene two, because I want a chance to climb all over the couch some more, and for my Act III soliloquie-thing, I want to crawl or do some more things instead of sitting there on my knees the entire time (lawl thats what she said.)

I just got back from the all nighter, took a nice hot shower, and I'm trying to chill out and get some sleep, because Ferndale did Dracula too, and even though it's a different version, I heard their Renfield is phenomenal :D So, Jen said she'd drive me. Can't wait to see it!

Our is extremely pale in comparasion in some ways, ranging from just a shitty script that effs up a lot of the cast from Stoker's novel, to choices of the cast, to people just not applying themselves and screwing around. Well, I heaven't seen theirs, but I assume it will be. Not to mention they have money, and from what I hear, a sweet drama program. But, I'm still pretty proud of what we've done with what we have; lots of room for improvement, but I still really like going psycho onstage and biting people every day after school 8D

Do, yeah. If I feel like it, I'll write about Ferndale's performance after I get back. Just had drama on the brain and wanted to talk about it :D

I want to move to the other side of the world.

The theme for this week seems to be ambition. Or, well, these past few months. I'm a sort of lazy-ambitious, so I decided to start writing down more goals. I love making goals and trying to meet them. Goals goals goals.


Objective: To prepare myself for the real world of economic crisis, while still acting within the pursuit of happiness. Plan course of action needed to achieve abstract long term goals. Within short term goal seeking, decide specific college and career related goals to attain optimal educational situation.

To Do:
-Talk to Tawn.
-Get out more so I'm not sitting around the house being an idiot feeling sorry for myself.
-Clean the almost-squalor that is my room.
+Keep it that way.
-Get a job after Dracula's over with.
+Bon chance!
-Cut old dreads.
+Be girl bald.
+Dye hair.
+Start new dreads.
-Pay for band camp.
+See Get Job.
-Dress better.
+Take a trip to Value world.
+Find fedora hat and cool jackets I like.
+...Shower >>
- Have the courage to take my own advice.
- Paint more.
+Get Paints. (Christmas? :o )
- Achieve optimal emotional operating conditions.
- Make a plan.
- Work my plan.
- Survive high school decently enough.!
- Become a better French speaker.
+Take classes. Up to French three. Take it in college.
+Continue outside study.
- Take an art class that I actually like and not hate the teacher through the course of it.
- Write more, in French and in English. Do something with all the retarded things that live in my head.

To achieve:
- Be in some sort of economic equilibrium, whatever that may be.
- Don't worry, be happy 8D
- Own my own horn.
- Study abroad.
- Other Travel.
- Decide what's really important to me.


Somehow these have become my life goals, stupid as some of them may be xD Just, general self improvement things. I dounno what's going on lately; I look like a hobo D:

I don't know what I'm working towards other than going away from here.

Because, well, the future is so bright like that :P
Ahah >>


So everyone's always like, "Turn your interests into majors! :D", so, I started searching around for something I could do with my interests. I... dounno. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life/where I'll go to school, etc. Blah. I know a couple people are like "Well, it's alright if you don't know yet", but counselors and the media are making me feel like if I don't have any sort of future direction I'll die alone in a cardboard box undearneath a freeway overpass D:

( Read more... )

Oh, and I'm going to be a dready Renfield, lawl. Sean just wants my hair to looked really cracked out, and I'm like "Just rub a sweater on them and do something with the bangs".
I dounno what I want to do with them. They started looking cool again really recently, but I'm still lost as to why they're so effing lumpy/loopy/ They almost look like I did them naturally and just stopped combing my hair. I should start timelining and stuff again, since they're like. Old farts now xD
GROW SHAVED SIDES GROW D:!

Yaayy. Hey fellas :3


No, I'm not dead. I've just been either not in the mood to ramble about stuff here, or too busy, and possibly both. Not much has really happened, if you can assume. Well, nothing collasal anyway. This marching band season is really awesome :D It's exciting. We've had a lot of drama over stuff, and we felt really behind (or, were literally behind, more like) for a while, but we've now got all the 60 something charts of drill on the field, and we are ready-spaghetti. There was more drama, but, we had a really good SIX HOUR rehearsal today where we learn twenty-fucking eight pages of drill, so I feel like going into past issues would just be a wet blanket on a good day :P

Ahh, there's drama in the drama club too. But, I did make the fall play :3 It's Dracula, and I'll be performing the insect-eating R.M Renfield :3 There's a bunch of stuff going around about how I don't deserve the role or something and my audition sucked, but that's just the whinings of butthurt people that suck xD Yeah, me and Nick both went out for the part, and I thought we both auditioned pretty awesome, although I was going more for a 1992 [i]"Bram Stoker's Dracula"[/i] Renfield, and even a little bit of 1931's Bela Lugosi version of Renfield with Dwight Frye, and Nick did a twitchy squeaky crack addict version which was albeit very good and fitting, just not what I personally see him as -nod-
I wasn't going to make a big deal about it if I didn't get the part (as I was expecting to get Mrs. Anya anyway) and it kinda sucks that I don't get the same respect, but ah well. It's blow over and I'll show those skanks exactly why I got the role in the first place, no? ;D

I was going to cut my dreads, grow them out, and think about starting a new set of short ones after the fall play, but now since I actually got casted, and I have to be a man, I might cut them a few months earlier than I intended. I'm going to talk to Sean, keep you fellas posted on that. That way when I get "D: D: Why did you cut your dreads?" I don't have to get into a big explanation as to why, I can just use the play as an excuse xD
I'm hoping if I do cut them for the play, Erin or someone can give me crazy cracked out hair for pure awesome xD

Anndd, having to duct tape down my boobies seems like a very enlightening experience xD


Yeah, that's going to be awesome. TDF is down, Meebo hates me, and I haven't talked to Tawn in like, forever, so. I felt compelled to write a little >>

Bye now.

My dread's birthday was on the 17th; they're a year old now 8D I really need to sit down and paint or draw something again soon, yeah >> It's summer, and the only thing to do is hang out with friends and go to sectionals. I'm nervous, but I think if I get these rhythms down, my kids will be fine.

Dear Tawn. ILU. I'm still kidnapping you the second you get the chance to visit. I'm awaiting your response. Love, Madd <3

Until mini camp.

This whole "I want you" thing isn't working out. It makes me all paranoid about everything. And I'm just itching to attempt it again, but I know it's not going to turn out right and I'm just going to end up making a bunch of people uncomfortable. I guess if I were that important, I wouldn't have to worry about it and wait around. I'm getting all needy and desperate and stupid, but I really can't help myself. I don't think I can completely ignore it, but I'll try to put it aside so I don't sound too retarded and creepy.
But then, it doesn't really work, because I'm still half hoping he'll like me and we'll hang out over the summer xD

Yeah, shuddup, I'm a creep >.>

So yeah; this along with a multitude of dumb reasons made us decide to drop dholes for a while. They're a really popular form over on TDF now, so I feel like a hack, and I was getting all "rawr my form gtfo" and stressed out over whether it fit me or not. So it's dropped. 'm just going to look into a bunch of things that don't fit me and be whatever I feel like.

Ohshit, forgot to mention. School's out. I'm playing at commencement tonight, and tomorrow's my section leader retreat (Rebecca's bringing a chocolate fountain 8D). I'm going to have to vaccum and do laundry and stuff, and then I'm going to watch some more Wishbone videos.

I screwed up again.

That's two. Three strikes I'm out.

I need to remember not to dish out compliments. They make people uncomfortable.

I'm still omgorgasm! over Notre-Dame de Paris/Hunchback of Notre Dame. I've been watching videos of the French Musical and I want to watch it in it's entirety so bad. The actor playing Clopin is fantastic and bears resemblance to a figment of my imagination. Aside, you know, black and dready, watching the way he moves and portrays Clopin is just so like Quill it almost creeps me out. I have no idea why the Hunchback of Notre Dame, in literature and several dramatic versions, has unconscious significance to me (other than just being generally kickass), but uh. It's weird.
I'm glad Luc Mervil has that piggy nose thing going on and more of a round face, because if he looked alot like Quill too, that'd be weird. I'd probably like, vomit or something. In their performance of Ou Est Elle ("Where is She?"), he even nailed a Quilly outfit xD
I dounno if it's just that particular type of personality portrayed in the book just happens to be Quill's equalizing one and the actors just portray it really well, or that actor and Victor Hugo are totally little parasitic earwigs living in my brain. Anyway, I can't even to begin how Twilight Zoneish it was the first couple times I've seen it xD If Quill was a Broadway actor, he'd totally fucking nail that role, that's for sure.
My unconcious obviously is just that fucking sweet? XD


Uh, Clopin is black and dready chilling suspended from the ceiling. The little dudes flipping around are gypsies. The guy the gypsies put into the bag is the poet Gringoire, who's retarded enough to Follow la Esmerelda home one dark night. Since Gringoire's a retarded poet, and not a theif and a cutthroat and all that jazz, they go to hang him, because if they're caught above the streets on Gingoire's turf, they'd get hanged. But, lucky for Gringoire, the gypsies have this rule where they have to see if any gypsy ladies will marry him, and Clopin's all like "You
must wed either a female vagabond or the noose." So since Elmerelda's cool and stuff, she takes pity on him and pretends to marry him to save his life. Cute, eh?

----

So drama camp was amazing, even though I'd said I wasn't going to go. I hung with Stephanie, Kat and Char. We hid panties out by the dock, saw three red winged blackbirds (hello girl from TDF) and a hawk hoshit, danced around a campfire, played the most awesome game of capture the flag EVER (dude, gurellia warfare going on, me all in black hiding in bushes and totally ambushing dumbasses trying to get their dudes out of jail), and in general bonded. Campfire smells and running around with cool people have really done a number on my mood; I feel like dancing.

Anndd, I'm off to go do that 8D

Maddly Eccentric (7:45:37 PM): Kyle, you and I should never ever do drugs xD
pelinorfields (7:46:28 PM): lol
pelinorfields (7:46:40 PM): that could be a crazy panda day
pelinorfields (7:46:51 PM): of course itd be at night
Maddly Eccentric (7:47:13 PM): I can just see crazy things going on. "LET'S BUILD A TIME MACHINE! 8D" "OKAY!"
pelinorfields (7:47:50 PM): and using my flashlight eyes when we couldnt see where to screw the parts together using our telekinetic elbows, so we didnt actually have to work
pelinorfields (7:48:30 PM): and if we did have to, we'd just conjure some gnomes, to do it. they only ask for a carrot in return. and a shot of jack daniels.
pelinorfields (7:48:31 PM): lol
Maddly Eccentric (7:48:47 PM): I'd imagine it would come out like a cardboard bos with a TV inside : D But if we actually had telekenetic elbows and things, it would make the entire thing a lot easier.
pelinorfields (7:48:59 PM): right
Maddly Eccentric (7:49:45 PM): Gnomes would actually truly be mexican men on the street, and we ended up partying together afterwards, and I ended up getting herpes from one because I thought he was the yellow M&M or something :O
pelinorfields (7:49:50 PM): or what if we were soooooo crunk it worked? like we gained some crazy stoner insight, and slipped intodimension 465-q trogzan?
Maddly Eccentric (7:50:46 PM): That would be the craziest thing ever. Oh dang.
That would be the craziest trip ever. We'd fight off aliens and meet real live red pandas or something.
pelinorfields (7:51:38 PM): okay
Maddly Eccentric (7:51:39 PM): I don't even know what to say to that. but then, I always worry if I did stumble upon another unsiverse, they wouldn't have oxygen or sometihng, and I'd die.
pelinorfields (7:51:39 PM): brb
Maddly Eccentric (7:51:48 PM): Okay then.
pelinorfields (7:51:51 PM): gunna go get some opium from youmin to get this shit started
Maddly Eccentric (7:52:01 PM): Lmao xD
pelinorfields (7:52:22 PM): tab, i wouldnt worry about the oxygen bit
pelinorfields (7:52:47 PM): if you were that high, you could prolly breath by absorbing oxygen out of the atmosphere through your skin
Maddly Eccentric (7:52:59 PM): NOWAIT.
Maddly Eccentric (7:53:09 PM): Dude, we'd have /gills/. We'd be fish people : D
Maddly Eccentric (7:53:23 PM): With webbed feet! We'd be like, fishy otters!
pelinorfields (7:54:03 PM): w007
pelinorfields (7:54:08 PM): im excited
Maddly Eccentric (7:55:35 PM): Fish would be so cool.
pelinorfields (7:55:44 PM): i agree
pelinorfields (7:55:52 PM): maybe we could be angler fish!!
pelinorfields (7:56:03 PM): with big light tentacles on our heads
pelinorfields (7:56:10 PM): and glow in the dark organs!!!!!
Maddly Eccentric (7:56:25 PM): :OOO
Yess! See through skin ftw!
pelinorfields (7:56:39 PM): : D
Maddly Eccentric (7:56:41 PM): And I could use my dreads as the appendage with the wiggly thing on it!
pelinorfields (7:56:47 PM): yep
pelinorfields (7:56:50 PM): itd be all natty
pelinorfields (7:56:58 PM): like an indian hair tampon, lol
pelinorfields (7:57:04 PM): okay!!!!!!
pelinorfields (7:57:10 PM): heres the plan
pelinorfields (7:57:22 PM): grab all the drugs in your medicine cabinet
pelinorfields (7:57:32 PM): and all the mouth wash
pelinorfields (7:57:44 PM): ill order these crazy cactus seed things from this guy i know
pelinorfields (7:58:02 PM): we'll get super baked, then get on a plane to the bermuda triangle
pelinorfields (7:58:27 PM): the plane will dissappar, but becuase our bodies and minds are ready well travel to another dimension!!!!!!!
Maddly Eccentric (7:58:56 PM): Sounds like a plan 8D That's surely the only failsafe solution to travel to another dimension!


Kyle wins xD

LOL MADD/TAB YOU SILLY GIRL. CHOPIN OFF ALL UR HAIR.



( moar )

I have a dreadhawk now.

I don't know how I feel about it yet.







P.S. State Festival got us a two :/